Beauty in Restoration - Wk 4

Word:

I use to think that I would spend the rest of my living in my brokenness. But now I know that Jesus desires for me to join in the restoration of my heart.

I remember the day my grandfather died. I’d awoke early in the morning in the same bed that my grandpa and grandmother had slept in for longer than I could remember.  I could hear my mother crying from the living room. It was just the night before that we were at the nursing home sitting next to his bed. No words, no eye contact, just simply looking at a man who was once strong now bedridden. Hearing my mom cry I felt helpless, I felt scared, and honestly in some ways angry.

This wasn’t the first time I’d felt those feelings.

The weather outside was overcast, rainy, honestly far from pleasant. I don’t exactly remember what age I was or what day of the week it was, but my dad was visiting my sister and I for the first time in what felt like years. It was just my dad and I was we drove back to my mom’s house. He kept drilling me with math questions, the whole time I kept getting them wrong. Eventually my dad got fed up with me to the point where he said he would make me walk home. It’s funny how well we remember these kind of moments.

It was only a couple hours later that I was standing on the front porch holding my moms hand watching as my dad drove away. Even thinking about it now there’s a level of sadness and anger I feel for that younger version of myself. As I look back at the story of my life I see how this one event has affected me throughout the rest of my life.

This is why I’ve had such unrealistic expectation for myself.

This is why I’ve never felt good enough.

This is why I’ve never allowed myself to be angry.

This is why I’ve felt that no one would ever accept me for who I am.

-

Now I’m not here to give you some magical formula to make your life instantly better. And I’m not saying that I’m done processing through all of these stories. But what I want to do is share a couple things I’ve learned so far.

Restoration is a process.

A process that involves a lot of vulnerability, kindness, and grace for not only yourself but the people who have caused you harm.

It involves a lot of patience.

One of the  biggest things I’ve learned is that it’s a process that is not done alone.

Having friends who can help you process is so important.

And not just trying to give you advice (there is a time and place for that) but actually reflecting your story back to you and helping you process.

-

At our core we all desire to know and to be known. To care and to be cared for. To love and to be loved.

For the longest time I was never comfortable with blessing those desires. I felt unworthy of being loved by someone for who I was.

The road to here has not been easy. But I’m glad for where I’m at now and where I’m moving towards. I’m at a point where I can bless my desire to be known and cared for by someone.

The invitation that Jesus has given us to join the restoration of all things means all things. Which means your story doesn’t end with the hardships that you’ve experienced or the way life is now.

“Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” - 2 Corinthians 13:11

Meal:

I am a sucker for burgers.

And this recipe here is well worth trying!

Music:

Pluto - Sleeping At Last

https://spoti.fi/2L28VOl

Prayer:

Jesus, we come to you now for our hearts to be renewed in you, restored in you, and to receive your grace and mercy.

We ask for you to show us the areas in our lives which desire restoration, and healing that only you can provide.

Allow us to rest in the finished work of your cross, death, burial, and resurrection.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Time:

I’ve found that journaling has been a very fruitful way for me to process my life. Sometimes it’s about my childhood, other times it’s about what’s happening in my life, and sometimes it’s about nothing really related to either. Regardless it’s been a great way of spending my time.

Twitter: jeremyjayyap

Instagram: jeremyyappy

Beauty in Restoration - Wk 3

WORD

On the kitchen floor in a puddle, brokenhearted by my own actions and feeling the full weight of my mistakes. This is where I was when I understood what the cross was all about. Jesus hung there because I mattered more to him than his own comfort and happiness. I mattered so much that, even if I was the only person on earth who needed forgiveness, he still would have hung there in my place. That realization set me free rather than filled me with guilt, which at first, seems like opposite world. I guess it is opposite world – that place where Jesus lives.  A place where you love your enemies, turn the other cheek, forgive, and sacrifice.

I married very young, freaked out after one year of marriage, and left my husband in pursuit of “something more secure”: a relationship that I though would bring a stable future. The truth was that I was a frightened young girl with father issues and I didn’t know I should have been turning to God for stability and comfort. Even if I did know that I should, I didn’t know how; and at the time I probably didn’t want to know. I mistakenly thought I had to leave to find happiness, contentment, and the sense of purpose and validation that I was desperately missing. What that decision brought me was over twenty years of emotional and physical abuse, which I believed I deserved for leaving my husband. Part of me still has trouble fully letting go of the guilt. After all, I made that choice and deserved whatever consequences came as a result. That’s what I told myself until the day I fully grasped that God loved me too much to let me continue that way. That’s where my long and difficult seven-year journey to freedom began. Once I was finally, truly free of the abuse and accepting the love and support of my church community, my life took an unexpected, unbelievable turn.

I received an email from the man I left so many years ago. When I saw his name in my list of messages, my first thought was “I can’t deal with this.” I was a single mom, working full-time, and still fighting ridiculous court battles with my abusive ex-husband without an attorney. My kids were suffering the consequences of living without enough money in a crappy apartment and the emotional trauma of having an abusive father and living through divorce. So, even though I really wanted to know how he was doing, I just didn’t think it was a good time to start talking to anyone. It quickly became obvious that God had another plan. The man that I prayed for consistently after I left - prayed that he had the loving wife he deserved, prayed that he was safe and happy - was miraculously, mysteriously, back in the picture. Five hundred miles apart, we began talking daily through phone calls, email, texts. Two years later, we were remarried. My marriage was restored. While we’ve had a lot of baggage to sort through, we are solidly, happily, and forever bound together. And we both know that during our years apart, God carried us through each day, paving our paths to merge again exactly where they should.

This picture of a husband loving his bride, forgiving her, and waiting with loving arms for her to come back to him – this is an example of Christ loving his bride, the church (all of us), forgiving her (all of us), and waiting for her (all of us) to come back to him.

As a young man marries a young woman,  so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,    so will your God rejoice over you. ~ Isaiah, 62:5

PRAYER

Father: Remove the guilt we cling to; let us feel your Spirit and understand that the sacrifice of the Son has set us free. Thank you for letting us feel your love and your presence. Thank you for being a God of restoration.

MUSIC

Second Best, Joshua Calhoun

https://open.spotify.com/track/769NjfrkBI2O7x4bJwuJPJ

MEAL

Rather than a full meal, how about a refreshing, restorative drink? Coconut water with fruit. Put a few pieces of your favorite frozen fruit into a tall glass (strawberries, pineapple, berries, peaches), fill with organic coconut water. Restore your fluids!

TIME

Be still. Set aside at least five minutes and just sit there. Fifteen would be better. No music. No TV. No phone. Lock yourself in the bathroom if you need to. Take some deep breaths. Ask God to make himself obvious. Keep breathing. Be restored.

Beauty in Restoration - Wk 2

Word:

Restoration.

The act of returning a structure to its original condition. Most often associated with homes.

Not to be confused with remodeling or renovation – where old things are made new by an addition, or even a complete transformation.

But sometimes – in the case of a heart for example – when the current state is so far gone from its original condition, restoration sure does feel like a complete transformation.

This is my story.

At 29 years old, my heart - and subsequently my life - had become unrecognizable.

It hadn’t been a fire, or flood, or an isolated incident that had caused this damage.

It was more like a gradual accumulation of consequences – quietly destructive effects of the bad decisions made by a deeply-wounded, lonely, hurting woman. 

And what had made my condition particularly dangerous was that up until this point I had somehow been able to hide it.

I had slapped a coat of paint called denial on my broken life which made it difficult for others to see the cracks on the outside.

But on the inside, I was falling apart.

And instead of repairing my foundation, I chose to fill the cracks with temporary fixes: alcohol, food, clothes, men…

Of course these solutions only succeeded in furthering the decay.

Until one morning, the corrosive effects of another night of binge drinking finally ate through my fragile facade.

With no recollection of the previous night’s events, but disturbing evidence of considerable damage, I swallowed my pride and called my mom for help.

And she gave me the number for a carpenter.

From that moment on, my heart has been under construction.

And where the temporary fixes had previously failed to fill the holes, Jesus Christ is rebuilding me from the ground up. Brick by brick.

But while the before and after pictures of my life after Christ’s restoration are quite stunning, the real beauty isn’t in how I appear to the world now – it’s how the world appears to me.

I’ve got a new heart now. And with a new heart comes new eyes.

Everything and everyone is more beautiful to me now because I finally see them for what they truly are: gracious gifts from a loving, faithful Father.

Even myself.

Where there was once pain, where there was once fear, where there was once loneliness and unworthiness. Now all I see is the fantastic, perfect, unending love of my Savior.

And my God, is it beautiful.

Meal:

Unfortunately my heart hasn’t been the only part of me in need of restoration over the years. I’ve struggled with digestive health problems my whole life. I started taking it more seriously about 5 years ago and have since learned so much about the healing powers of proper nutrition.

Soup is one of my favorite restorative meals when my stomach needs settling. It’s so warming and nurturing – like a hug for your insides. This recipe is particularly healing with the abundance of detoxifying vegetables. Treat yourself or a loved one to this bowl of love.

Chicken Detox Soup for the Soul:

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast

2 quarts chicken broth

1 large onion, peeled and chopped

3 cups broccoli florets

2 1/2 cups sliced carrots

2 cups chopped celery

1 1/2 cups frozen peas

1/4 cup chopped parsley

3-4 garlic cloves, minced

3 tablespoons fresh shredded or grated ginger

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

1/4 – 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper

1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric

Salt and pepper

Directions:

Set a large sauce pot over medium heat. Add the olive oil, chopped onions, celery, ginger, and garlic. Saute for 5-6 minutes to soften. Then add the chicken breasts, broth, carrots, apple cider vinegar, crushed red pepper, turmeric and 1 teaspoon sea salt.

Bring to a boil, lower the heat, and simmer for 20+ minutes, until the chicken breasts are cooked through. Then remove the chicken with tongs and set them on a cutting board to cool.

Add the broccoli, peas, and parsley to the pot. Continue to simmer to soften the broccoli.

Meanwhile, shred the chicken breasts with two forks, and stir it back into the soup.

Once the broccoli is tender, taste, then salt and pepper as needed. Serve warm.

NOTES: For best results, use all organic ingredients.

(https://www.aspicyperspective.com/chicken-detox-soup/print/)

Music:

“Resurrecting” by Elevation Worship.

Prayer:

Father,

My prayer today is for those whose lives are in need of more than just a fresh coat of paint. Whose patched hearts are worn and hurting. I pray that today will be the day they call on you for help. Help them see and believe in the beauty of your original blueprint for their lives. Give them courage to allow you to break ground and lay a new foundation of your unfailing love.

Amen.

Time:

Restoration is not a simple process. Nor is it a short process. Or a pleasant process. The detox of my own heart as I began to give my hurt up to God was messy. And painful. But there is beauty in God’s promises. In the hope and faith we have as believers that God has come to make all things new. In His time. So call the carpenter. Start the project. And watch in patient wonder as God’s love slowly, but surely, begins to restore your heart.

Michelle Grano

Beauty in Restoration - Wk 1

Word

I’m not old (yet), but my left hip doesn’t care. I thought he was my friend. He’s been with me all my life, supported me through thick and thin (well, mostly thick), and never raised a complaint. What changed? Why did he turn on me a couple years ago? How did he shift from being so stable to painfully unpredictable and unreliable? I don’t know what went wonky, just that my left hip has suddenly decided not to play nice anymore.

My doctor’s response when I visited him about my sore knee took me aback. I never expected him to immediately say, “Well, how’s your hip?” Sure, “shin bone connected to the knee bone, knee bone connected to the thigh bone, and all that jazz,” but really? Most days my hips are fine, can’t we just deal with the knee and get on with life?! What I thought would be a simple diagnosis has since turned into myriad doctor visits, lengthy exams using fancy machines, weeks of (barely successful) physical therapy, and a surgery that’s scheduled for not too far in the future. Until then, I guess it’s safe to say my left hip is winning this round.

When I think of restoration, I can’t help but think of getting my left hip repaired soon. My body’s never been through anything like this, but I’m no stranger to the process. I’m well on the other side of growing up in a divorced home and wondering what my own home and family life would amount to one day. I know the pain of losing a job, a friendship, a dream, a loved one—and still coming through stronger on the other side. I’m also intimately familiar with having my hardened heart changed from the inside out by the gracious, redemptive, love of Christ. What needs to happen to my left hip so I can experience beauty in restoration isn’t something I want, but it’s definitely something I long for.

In my limited life experience, restoration can’t be rushed, must be healing, should be complete, won’t be easy, and will be good. This process takes time and a lot out of me. Fortunately, the real work is on God’s shoulders not mine. My job is simply to cooperate in the rehab—or better yet, to stick with my sanctifying adventure—one renewing day at a time.

I love the imagery of Jesus the Good Shepherd in John 10, especially verse 10: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Oddly enough, this passage reminds me that while I’m drawn toward “abundance”—or life to the full—I all too often seek out “steal, kill, and destroy.” As much as I’m not old, I’m even more imperfect. I’d like to say I have more “shepherd days” than “thief days” as time goes on, but I’m not so sure. Fortunately (yes, fortunately), I have some ruthlessly honest family and friends that keep me in check each step of the way. Life in all its fullness isn’t something I’m experiencing completely, but I’m grateful its taking root more often.

Today, my left hip is playing the thief. It’s no different from me being sabotaged by sin or some reckless relationship. Whether it’s my doing or not, I must do something about it. I can ignore or fight what’s true, but that won’t change my pain. The only way for me to rediscover beauty in restoration is to lean on my Good Shepherd and follow his lead. Will it be scary? Yes. Do I need to be afraid? No. I can trust that there’s hope on the other side of this. Why? because God who’s been faithful to restore before promises to do it again—potentially for my left hip and certainly for us all (if you don’t believe me, reread Revelation 21:1-5).

Meal

My wife, sons, and I love a good “snack plate”—a random spread of deli meats, cheeses, fancy crackers, exotic (or not-so-exotic) fruits, vegetables, assorted olives, dips, and even some fine chocolate. When our kids were young, we didn’t go all “Charcuterie & Cheese Board” (we might have if we had heard of it!). Instead, we’d slather peanut butter on celery and fill the rest of the plate with whatever else was leftover in our fridge and pantry! There’s something satisfying (and beautiful) about making a meal by simply restoring what’s laying around.

Music

For too many years I paid zero attention to my soul’s health. Taking regular doses of John 10 and Psalm 23 has helped change that. I can’t offer a better prescription than playing the video below to start and end your day at least once a week.

“Restore My Soul” by Mosaic Church (Winter Garden, Florida – http://thisismosaic.org)

Written by Zack Olsen & Seth Kaye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQVU9laQX34

Prayer

My Lord, my Shepherd. Restore my soul. I will follow you in the way of peace. Amen.

Time

There’s beauty in restoration all around: road construction, rainfall, applying (or removing) make-up, vacuuming, rebooting a laptop (or a friendship), forgiving an offense, taking a nap, eating lunch—the list is endless. This week, go out of your way to notice what’s being renewed in the world. Then, whenever and wherever you stumble upon it, let God know you agree that it’s good.

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Beauty in Restoration | Dan Lovaglia